Seven Habits of Highly Defective Technical Writers

If you want to be a Highly Defective Technical Writer, you need to learn industry worst practices. Here are seven to get you started.

1. People who read help are stupid. People who write help are smart. Don't ever forget that, and don't ever let your readers forget it.
   
   
2. Complexity of grammatical construction correlates in a positive manner with the perception of intelligence; thus it is advisable under all circumstances to endeavor to utilize sentence structures and locutions commensurate with the level of one's own education.
   
   
3. It is considered presumptuous to address readers as if they were present. Passive voice is preferred.
   
   
4. When documenting software that allows you to create, change, or delete something - your contact information, for example - write a separate topic for each task. It's far too confusing to provide instructions for more than one task in a single topic, or to write steps that involve choices (such as "If you need to add a new telephone number, click Add Number. If you need to change a number, edit it in the text box"). Remember, your readers are stupid.
   
   
5. Take every opportunity to continue selling your product. Remind users how attractive it is, how sleek its design and stylish its colors. Remind them how intuitive and easy it is to use.
   
   
6. People open the help when they are scared of making a mistake. When presenting a task, point out how easy it is. When you get to the step where people tend to go wrong, tell them it's really simple. People like to be reassured that they are smart enough to get it right. Remember, they're stupid.
   
   
7. Don't bother with teh spelling checker. It's for careless people who either can't type very well or are too ingorant to spell well. Your smarter than that.

When you've mastered these worst practices, you'll be well on the way to being a Highly Defective Technical Writer.